#Flashbacks

I recalled a time when I was surfing the net for hours. That was a time when Facebook was not as important. It was a time when blogs seems to start popping out everywhere. It was a time when Tumblr just started. It was a time when I actually do read plenty of blogs and was quite abreast with the world of make up and fashion. I used to be able to spend hours reading 1 blog and the next hour another blog. Thinking back, no wonder I did not do as well as I should in school. Most of my time would be a picture of me with my eyes plastered to the screen of my Acer Aspire 5920 laptop instead of my books (no. I did not fail any subjects. Had the entire spectrum of passing grades in my report book; A-D). It is either that or me in my shorts with my (field) hockey stick.

This hobby of mine continued through my initial years of working and now, with the increasing demands of the beverage industry, my work seems to exhaust me out at the end of the day and I require the weekends to get back half of my energy thus I don’t really find time to read these blogs. Recently, while Googling for information on a trip I am planning, I came across an old favourite of mine; Seaofshoes.com. Jane is absolutely as stunning as ever. Her wardrobe is still enviable. Her red locks have always been my obsession. I tend to go red often too just ‘cause I want to channel Jane in my life (that phrase is just a rephrase of ‘I want to be Jane. I want her life. If I can’t, at least I can pretend’). If you think I’m exaggerating, just take a look at her blog. Trust me; you would want to be her too.

*taken from seaofshoes.com*

From Seaofshoes.com, I wandered to ClothesCamerasandCoffee.blogspot.com. Gosh I remembered a time when I tried to thrift shop after reading one of her posts. My conclusion after that trip; thrift shops in Singapore is not as ‘cool’ as the one in the UK. Have a look at her wardrobe and you’ll be wishing your mom or grandmom had that foresight to keep their wardrobe for you. I read her blog during a time when all her photos that she posted were taken by her adoring father. None of it were edited either. Reading her posts and looking at her beautiful pictures of the landscape surrounding her humble home made me envious of the country she is living in. Isn’t it great to have pastures and rolling hills at a walking distance from your doorstep? Here, it is either another apartment block or the road.

Everyone will know the next one. Thesatorialist.com is just a wonderful blog to be scrolling through for hours. The last time I read it was when there was a competition ongoing. If I recall correctly it was filled with photos from the past. I am not too sure what it is called. It was years ago. So to rediscover it was great and I foresee myself over this weekend to be scrolling through it to catch up on what I’ve missed. 

Aishah-amin-the-hijab-diaries.blogspot.com is one of the few blogs that I read representing my own Asian roots. She hails from the country across the causeway from where I am from and the similarity to my culture was what brought me to her blog. I read her blog when she just got married and now she is about to be a mother of 2. I totally missed her 1st pregnancy. I know; I am terrible.

This blogger touched my soul. Her faith in our creator is clear whenever she blogged. She was one of the reasons behind my path to change. She never failed to embrace life despite her medical condition and she made me tear on several occasions. Life got in the way for several years and one morning, while scrolling through Instagram, I saw the account of Aishah Amin saying to pray for her, Ami. I clicked the link and I got a shock. She was gone. She had left us that morning. I couldn’t revisit her blog without a heavy heart. She truly epitomizes living life to the fullest (Ami, saya berharap awak diletakkan dikalang orang-orang yang beriman.) 

Many might ask. Do you read any local blogs back then? I do but they are of my circle of friends (most has since shut their blogs down. So I have nothing to read!). That is it. Nope I did not read Xiaxue’s, Bong Qiu Qiu’s or even KahwinKhronicles (now its hellokhronicles.com) till recently. I have been diligently adding local blogs to my reading list also added those from Malaysia. Links are at the side if you are interested.

The past is what moulds our future. It is due to all these reads that evolves my writing and perception. There is always a sense of nostalgia when I read them. I hope you have the same feeling as I do when you clicked through them.

Pictures are not mine unless otherwise stated. Pictures are all link to their respective owner's blog

1-10, I am left with 2

Looking at the calendar, I’ve come to realize that there is only 2 months left to the year.

What have I done in the past 10 months? I am always tired lately. I am unmotivated since the 2nd half of the year started. I have not complete decorating my space in the shared bedroom even though it has already been close to 2 years that we’ve moved. I still have unopened boxes under my bed. I have not painted my bed. I have not bought the skeleton of my open-concept wardrobe. I do not have $3000 in my bank. I did not travel to 2 other countries as planned. I have not purged my wardrobe. I have not decided how long more I am staying at my current work. I have not completed my tasks at work. I have not bake for 2 months now. I think we all get the picture that I have truly been a massive slob. I’ve come across a quote from Zig Ziglar, an American motivation speaker, which hits home.

“Motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing. It is something you should do on a regular basis”

How true. I’ve been sitting on my bum, expecting for my surroundings to inspire and motivate me but I failed to see that it is I who needs to motivate myself. Looking back, there are a lot of things I’ve set out to do this year. Sadly I’ve only done not even half of the list. It is apparent enough that the better half of mine noticed. Maybe it is too late in the year to start achieving what I’ve set out but it is not too late to get back on track to be a better me. It is still too early to say if I’ve truly turned over a new leaf but what I can say is that I am still trying. CrispsClouds is a testament to the effort. I used to write while I was in school and looking at my old blogs (I’ve since deleted them); I cringed at the frivolous articles I wrote. I’ve grown up quite well I must say. Throughout the year, the inspiration to write started to come wherever I was. Be it on the train, at work, having dinner with the better half, out with friends; everywhere. I never had an outlet to write what was weaving through my head as either I do not have my book with me or I am busy with tasks on hand. CrispsClouds came to me while I was at work, approving the orders that came. I logged into my Gmail account and saved this URL before planning out on how this baby will look like.

Technology has made it much easier to share our thoughts. Now, you can share everything with a touch of a button. I love the smell of physical books. I love to write things down rather than typing. I should start embracing the advancement of technology. Hello Mr Laptop! I have this laptop for 3 years now and I can safely say that I use it at most twice a month. Yup, it is a terrible waste of my hard-earned money. Or maybe I should just trade it in and get a Macbook. I don’t own any Apple product (not even an Ipod. I am not getting an Iphone. Just not) but I am itching to try. Let just wait and see where this search for technology goes.

My calendar is filled with scribbles,circles and highlights. I wish I do know what some of the highlights mean though (scatterbrain sometimes). I hope I remember them before the dates come.

Mistakes? A plenty. Regrets? None

“If someone were to ask do I regret anything, I would say only 1”

Question marks appeared in my head. No, not I am not curious of what the person regrets but more of after all he has been through, he still only regrets 1 decision. How is it possible? I, on the other hand, regrettably have a few questionable traits and made a few terrible decisions through these 23 years of my existence. Only recently, I found the answer to my question; Perspective.

You live the life you choose. It is your choices (or lack of) that moulds you into who you are today. Your decisions, your actions brought upon the consequences you are living through now. Good or bad, it all stemmed from your initial choice. I come to realize that regretting your decision is a strong declaration to make. Mistakes are inevitable as humans. Mistakes are common, learning from mistakes is expected but regretting the mistake made is entirely our own decision.

I made plenty of mistakes throughout the 23 years I've lived. Some are minor, some are terrible. I used to say I regret not doing this or that. I used to say I regret not continuing with school after college but as I thought it through, I realized that I should not be regretting anything.

It was a decision I made to realize my sister’s dream before mine. It was a decision I made to reduce the expenses for the family. My sister has graduated and now about to start her dream job. My parents do not worry about my welfare as much. I learnt that things may not go the way I plan it to but things will always be better than expected. I learnt that not everyone is as lucky as I am. I learnt that not everyone has an uneventful childhood like I did. Most importantly I learnt that everyone has their own battle to get through. All these I would not have learnt through school. I learnt through observations of my own to my surroundings at work and through social meetings.

I do not regret losing friends along the way as I am able to see sincerity in those that stayed.
I do not regret loving those from my past as it taught me how I should better myself for my final one.
I do not regret trusting the wrong friends as it taught me that trust should be treated with utmost respect.
I do not regret my rebellious years as it showed me fear and the flip side of the community I thought I knew.
I do regret, however, not saying ‘I love you’ enough. No matter how many times I say it, it is never truly the exact representation of how much love I feel for the other. It took a death in the family for me to realize how inexpressive I can be towards the one I love. To this day, I kept on replaying the last moments I had with my darling cousin in my head.

Maybe the title of this post should be changed. Mistakes? A plenty. Regrets? One (so far)

*Hey you. I hope you’re doing better up there. I know you’re looking over our big family. I know you’re strumming that Gibson guitar. I just want to say thank you. Thank you for waiting to say goodbye. Thank you for the smiles, laughter and memories you've etched in our hearts. Family wishes you’re well up there and we’ll see you when the time comes. We will always love you. Family unites for you. After all, Nothing Else Matters.*